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(no subject) [May. 6th, 2004|07:08 pm]
i am convinced that my dads main goal in life is to humiliate me. he reprimands me all during practice, and points out every little thing thats wrong in front of everyone. and he always incorporates stupid little jokes into his speeches, making fun of me. god, i hate him.

haley won't talk to me. and peyton found out about the pictures of herself so she won't talk to me either. and jake left, and lucas is leaving soon too. and i don't know if im gonna be able to cover my rent this much. god, this all sucks so much.
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(no subject) [May. 5th, 2004|08:35 pm]
[mood |pissed offpissed off]
[music |haleys sheryl crow cd that she plays everytime i ride w/ her]

got a lot on my mind right now...

ill admit that im glad lucas and i are becoming closer. its weird to think what would have happened if karen had let my dad share custody of him. i guess it would have been nice to grow up with a brother. being an only child kinda sucks. i dont know if we'll ever be as close as brothers, but hes a good guy. hes haleys best friend so i know there must be something there. and he's kind of my ally now that my dads coaching, which i cant believe. i heard it only took him 15 minutes to bs the entire athletic department. and he killed us at practice. hes still pissed at me for just about everything, so it all sucks even more.

i dont really know whats going on with me and haley now. i try not to pressure her into doing anything she doesnt want to, which is what she wants. i dont know if she believes me, but i love her. and she said she gave me her heart, and that is enough for me. but she went on my computer to do homework or whatever, and she came across some websites that dont exactly make me boyfriend of the year. but those girls dont mean anything. im a guy, i like stuff like that. and i dont compare haley to those girls.

i think its the peyton pictures that made her mad. i swear, im not some psycho who's stalking peyton or anything and im definitely not in love with her.

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(no subject) [May. 3rd, 2004|07:25 pm]
hot and twisted really needs to give me a raise. i need to get my landlord of my back and i need to be independant of my parents. especially my dad. i can't take him anymore. he shows up unannounced all the time and he's such a jackass. and my mom comes by giving me money and trying to get me to come home. but i can't go home with her - no matter how many times she tells me she loves me, i'll always remember that she left me. with him. and he turned me into a miniature-dan scott for a while. and i couldn't stand myself - the things i did to peyton and lucas and the rest of the guys - i could honestly look in the mirror and say "i'm a jackass". and i'm finally starting to become a better person.

it would be easy to say "screw it" and move back in with my mom or dad. it would be easy to become the guy i used to be.

fuck the people who put me in this situation.
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(no subject) [May. 2nd, 2004|09:12 pm]
[mood |lovedloved]

my job really sucks. who knew making pretzels was so hard...and my boss always feels the need to remind me how much of a jackass i was to him, which makes me feel bad. but i keep screwing up, and i really think he's gonna fire me soon. and if i don't work i cant pay for my apartment. but i refuse to move back home. i cant live with my mom, and i sure as hell can't live with my dad.

oh well. if worst comes to worst, i'll just move in with haley ;-]

speaking of haley, she just left like 20 minutes ago. we spent most of the afternoon in the pool, and then came back up here for food. it's weird how differently i feel about haley than i ever did about peyton. no offense, you were great, but i don't think i loved you. at least not like i love haley. she gets me, which not many people do. and she got me to change, sort of. im not such a jackass anymore.

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(no subject) [May. 2nd, 2004|01:26 pm]
[mood |busy]

ok, i have some time to update.

had practice this morning. it was okay, i guess. whitey was all over me as usual but i shot a couple 3-pointers so he was pretty happy. and lucas is finally back, and we're kinda getting along better. his shoulder still hurts so he's kinda sucking right now. but he'll be back soon.

i have to work in about an hour, then haley and tim are coming over later to hang out...hopefully tim leaves early so i can have some quality time with my girl.

my dad called the other day, once again, and tried to get me to come home. he offered to give me the mustang plus the money i gave to him for it back. i told him to shove his bribes up his ass and he told me i'd eventually hit rock bottom and need to come home. fat chance, dad.

not much more to say, ill update later


*lucas, peyton, brooke, etc - send me your journals so i can add you!!
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(no subject) [May. 1st, 2004|03:59 pm]
hey, it's nathan....haley got me to start up my journal again, but i got practice in a few minutes so theres no time to update now

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